The following principles will help you with your marriage, your kids, your church, your coworkers, or any other relationships that you encounter. Paul writes to the Colossians:
So, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you.
— Colossians 3:12-13 Legacy Standard Bible
1.) First, put on a “heart of compassion.” The word for heart is σπλάγχνον (splanchnon), and it is a noun that means affection; inward parts. It means compassion and it biologically orients that emotion in the bowels because it is a deeply felt compassion, whereas we today translate it appropriately as “heart.” We say today that we should have a heart of compassion.
2.) οἰκτιρμός (oiktirmos), is the noun that is translated compassion; pity; or mercy. It means to have a deep awareness of and sympathy for another’s suffering. This is the word translated compassion in the text.
For example, putting on a heart of compassion flavors our interactions, be it positive or negative feedback, with pity or mercy that comes from deep within us. And this compassion sometimes requires that we suffer with another person’s foibles and problems. It doesn’t mean that in the right moment we don’t correct him or her, but it does mean that we put on this attitude which is based on the understanding that we too have foibles and sins for which we do not deserve the compassion that the Lord daily pours on us.
3.) The next word in Paul’s list is χρηστότης (chrēstotēs), which is a noun that means goodness or kindness. It refers to the quality of being warmhearted, considerate, humane, gentle, and sympathetic. One way that many people could improve in this way is to have the tone of voice and facial expressiveness that communicates warmth and kindness or sympathy. Even if you are ex-military, there should be something there that your loved ones can recognize as from a warmth and tenderness.
4.) Next is the noun ταπεινοφροσύνη (tapeinophrosynē), which is translated humility. It signals the disposition of valuing or assessing oneself appropriately, especially in light of one’s sinfulness or creatureliness. The opposite of this is vanity or conceit.
One way that you could improve in this regard towards others would be to simply assess yourself correctly before God and lead or follow, as the case may be, but with a servant’s attitude. This is important while you must ultimately acknowledge that we are all leaders in a sense in so far as we all need to take ownership. So, when you talk about daily tasks that need done with your wife, you can step in and take part rather then to opine about what needs done or isn’t being done.
Be proactive about planning ways that help get the tasks done. Initiating these conversations can be within the wife’s purview as well. And this goes without acknowledging the implications of this principle for the workplace also. There is critical importance in being proactive at work rather than reactive as is the case with crisis management.
5.) πραΰτης (prautēs) means gentleness; humility. It includes acting in a manner that is gentle, mild, and even-tempered. A related topic is meekness, which biblically demonstrates power that is under control. Women are generally more attracted to men who seem to have a strength that is under control and capable of productive contribution. This is because those men are focused on being productive at work but their strength can be applied also to the cultivation and care of a family. That is one sense of power under control.
6.) μακροθυμία (makrothymia) is a noun that means patience or forbearance. It indicates patient endurance of pain or unhappiness. One of the biggest marriage issues is actually related to this. It is often the case that we see clearly how our spouse is not fulfilling our desires and expectations. Do you become angry when this is the case? This term implies that you should have patience and endurance, and that does mean that though your needs are not being fulfilled, you remain kind and enduring. When desires become demands that have to be met, “or else,” they are lifted up above God’s priorities for you.
John Newton is likewise said to have had the attitude that since God was sovereign, and since interruptions in his day were in God’s sovereignty, that therefore the interruption was from God and he would gladly welcome it as from Him.
7.) ἀνέχομαι (anechomai) is a verb that means to endure or to bear with someone. It means to endure things unpleasant or difficult from another person.
This is employed when we submit ourselves to our spouses’ needs and serve them as Jesus did His own while He was with us. It is the opposite of setting boundaries. True love doesn’t prioritize boundaries. Love doesn’t need to say “this far and no more,” unless there are blatant sins that prevent our support. Neither does it mean that we don’t also help other people be more competent or confident, as the case may be, but we actually do not want to preoccupy ourselves with setting boundaries in all our otherwise trying or otherwise healthy relationships. That would be the antithesis of this biblical term. We must stay close and bear with each other as much as depends on us.
8.) Lastly, we are told to practice χαρίζομαι (charizomai), which is a verb that means forgive or to show favor, or to give freely. It means to give something as a sign of one’s beneficent goodwill towards someone. It is strongly related to grace. It can also mean to forgive someone on account of the goodwill one has toward such a person, or to release them from real claims, or debts. In the text it is actually translated by two words: “graciously forgive.”
If you are tempted to hold a grudge against someone then know that Christ has, if only potentially, paid the full penalty due for their transgressions, so why would you demand a further payment? Not only that, but if God has forgiven you personally a lifetime of sins against Himself, then how hypocritical is it if the grace and forgiveness that you have received doesn’t show itself towards others?
These definitions are the most important for us to keep in mind in regards to relationships. If we can practice these characteristics and lay claim to them, then we will be spiritually successful for the Lord in our relationships. The work is hard, but Colossians as a book is oriented around the theme of the sufficiency of Christ. It is your focus on Him that is able to produce in you the trust in His grace that enables you to work on these qualities. This is not a matter of self-discipline. Faith in God’s kind and gracious work alone is the real catalyst to begin to replace your sins with His sufficiency. He is able. You are not. Live in His love, and that will flavor your nearest and even more distant relationships.
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