David Brainerd (April 20, 1718 – October 9, 1747) was a minister to the Native Americans. He struggled early in his life with depression and experienced many ebbs and flows of related high points spiritually, but long bouts of lows and discouragement as well.
He described the early death of his mother as well as the deaths of many others. Measles and outbreaks of related sicknesses at the time were common. Reading Brainerd’s journal is very much an encouragement because I tend to think of how much worse it can get! I have struggled with some of the same discouragements and thoughts except that I live with the comforts of modern culture and professional medical services!
Brainerd frequently writes words like the following in the early days before he became a minister,
“In my morning devotions, my soul was exceedingly melted, and bitterly mourned over my exceeding sinfulness and vileness. I never before had felt so pungent and deep a sense of the odious nature of sin, as at this time. My soul was then unusually carried forth in love to God, and had a lively sense of God’s love to me. And this love and hope, at that time, cast out fear. Both morning and evening I spent some time in self-examination, to find the truth of grace, as also my fitness to approach to God at his table the next day [speaking of communion at church]; and through infinite grace, found the Holy Spirit influencing my soul with love to God, as a witness within myself.”
One thing is clearly very pivotal in his early thoughts: the extreme need he had of the assurance of his salvation. He came through extreme times of doubt and some rare times of bright excitement about its reality in his heart, but he was devoted to his own spiritual condition and true character. It was before a just and holy God that he sought this when he should have, by his own account, been condemned. But he kept coming back.
I have met a couple of people in my life over the years who struggled but believed with conviction that God just doesn’t love certain people. Another man I knew denied that assurance was possible. Both of these cynical persons presumed that they were hardened to the raw facts of these realities. I lost touch with both of them but later learned of their subsequent sinful life-choices. They had a temporary appearance of sincerity, but under a certain guise of seriousness, they found their way out of that appearance of “real worship” and back into what they had professed being saved from at the start.
But Christians keep coming back in spite of it all. David Brainerd would later die at an early age, but his devotion and love for God even when God felt distant and harsh (Read Psalms 13 and 42 for Biblical examples) never changed. This man was faithful in the midst of suffering. And he ministered to Native Americans at the same time. What will be your story? Perseverance or acquiescence?
I know that today, we take pills for what David Brainerd likely suffered from (Major Depressive Disorder), but how will your life be used for God in spite of your weaknesses? How serious are you about daily reading and devotions and prayer? If you feel guilty about your lack of soberness and seriousness in regards to your faith, then good. Genuine Christians always feel a sense of their lack of godliness, but neither does that cancel out your need to take sin seriously and pursue God with your whole heart. There is no place for glib and recalcitrant attitudes in Christ that have an appearance of holiness.
In Matthew 5:3-10, Jesus issued Kingdom principles:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Be encouraged if you don’t feel optimistic about your faith, and do keep feeding yourself on the hope of the Gospel that Jesus died to save sinners, among whom, the greatest sinner in the Apostle Paul’s mind, was himself! (1 Timothy 1:15).
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